Letters to the Worm

The Anti-Leah?

2009-06-11T19:08:00.002-05:00

From: MagicalHamsterD
To:
Subject: A musical complement to your website
Date: Sat, 8 Jun 2002 15:43:59 -0700

Seeing as how your website deals with the lifestyle/survival of "worms", a term that you've coined up for the lack of a better word, I thought it'd be worth a mention to point out to you a song called "worms vs. birds" by Modest Mouse (you can hear the MP3 at http://www.epitonic.com/artists/modestmouse.html).

The song conveys an exquisite paranoia and offers a sardonic look at the more sordid aspects of worms having to mingle with their fellow human beings. Also, Modest Mouse are one of my favorite bands. A few others are Bark Psychosis, Song of Zarathustra, and Drive by Jehu. I'm mostly into hardcore/indie/post-rock (and also have a penchant for labels!)

That's pretty much it. Oh, and by the way, I like your website.

-- End --

From: Mr. Worm
To: ""
Subject: Re: A musical complement to your website
Date: Mon, 10 Jun 2002 22:10:26 -0500

Thanks! I didn't really like that song at first, but it seems to be growing on me. My friend sent me another Modest Mouse (teeth like god's shoeshine) song a couple of months ago that I really liked. I should check out more of their stuff one of these days.

May I ask how you found my book? I'm also curious if you found any of the information helpful at all, or if there is anything you think I should add to the book?

Thanks for writing,
worm.

-- End --

from MagicalHamsterD
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 22:11:36 EDT
Subject: god, this is a lame mail
To: worm

Alright. I'll tell you my whole crazy life story some other time.

I found your website through this "subculture" list in some community...

I didn't even look through it yet.

But let me write you back after I read it. God, sorry for wasting your time. I'm just really excited about the whole "broken worm" theory. (Always in search of other aliens? Searching for my homeplanet? Other aliens like myself connecting via the net? I dunno...) So I guess I'll go back to actually reading over some stuff.

Bye then,
Hannah The Disillusioned

-- End --

From: MagicalHamsterD
Date: Sat, 2 Jun 2001 19:04:30 EDT
Subject: Don't you hate...
To: worm

Hypocrisy.

It exists everywhere, in everyone more or less I suppose, but I feel that it's useful to some people's sanity for other individuals to keep the screamingly ironic suggestions of stubborn and unfounded bigotry to themselves.

As in (translated): you seem to unwittingly give a flawless performance of a blind, self-righteous bantering hypocrite; thus you are the indirect incarnation of everything you claim to hate and loathe?

At least you give off that impression.

I'm sure you're not perfect in that "practice what you preach" sense, as I'm sure no true bigot is, but do you really think that "dumb-ass" is a great counter-attack to legitimate questions or comments people give you? Or are you just lacking faith in the possibility that any of your readers are intelligent or "worm" enough to understand what you possibly have to really say, without using paradoxical, ignorant terms and shamelessly repetitive reflections?

I'd really like to know.

I also noticed that when you feel attacked or questioned, you immediately put up a conscious or unconscious barrier of useless and unfounded "worm" jargon, which is perfectly understandable as we all have our conversational quirks, but please refrain from doing this with me if you ever choose to engage in a conversation thus...In no way am I blindly criticizing you or your work; know beforehand that I talk without the pretense of much useless explanations and apologies. Other words, I come in peace. (Which leads us to the whole exploration of motivation, my motivation, my motive in sending this email. What is a worm's motivation for anything? I'm sure you know more about this than I do, because according to you you have enough decorum and modesty to proceed to write a worm's guidebook and bible...)

Also, please keep in mind that I wouldn't even bother responding to anyone based solely on their website unless I had enough optimistically blind faith in the author to fathom the possibility of us actually having a mutually tolerant conversation.

May I also comment on your "fantasy"? Seeing as how I'm very far from fitting your unrealistic expectations, I can safely proceed to judge you more harshly and despise you more completely than I would have normally after reading all the preposterous and imposing "essays". It hurt me to think that someone who begs to find subjects to condemn and bitterly boil over cannot look more objectively and discover the most interesting subject of all: himself. Don't you realize how contradictory and fickle you appear to the average reader? Maybe you're looking for acceptance, but then you turn around and block off everyone and anyone by putting up a checklist of requirements to be your "friend": pseudo-goth, girl, skinny, worships you, etc. How isolating! And how dissapointed and angry I was at the same time to think that you would dismiss me because I don't perfectly fit your preposterous checklist. I will consider the possibility that you are much more wiser and self-aware to dismiss your outrageous fantasy. If you indeed want something even close to fulfillment of all you described in the latter, you would be more forgiving and open-minded, la verdad? A pseudo-goth, skinny girl, who is unhealthily devoted to you? *Light exhaling of breath* If it's not laughable, then it's just plain sad... At the very least, I can assure you that I will not condemn you beforehand based on a shallow medium such as looks, and a jawline...

I think you may be another alien I can talk to, if not of the same species, an alien nonetheless. Another less than original term I use to refer to my place in this world (alien) as you would with "worm".

So I look forward to a response which may or not completely destroy another mildly cherised hope of finding someone alike to my kind.

Adieu,
Hannah The Socially Challenged (it's a great accessory, I change the last part often)

-- End --

More Leah

2009-06-10T19:37:00.002-05:00

From: "Leah"
Subject: ohhhh....
Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 03:23:09 -0700

what- are you SLEEPING right now?

-- End --

From: "Leah"
Subject: i think i am.
Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 12:36:10 -0700

this is po. i think i have some things you might accept for the survival guide...i have a few suggestions for good music, films, fine arts, etc. please respond. i also have some literature (if i may be pretentious and
assume that title automatically). as a closing query, i'd be thrilled to learn of your opinion regarding automatons.

-- End --

From: "Leah"
Subject: none. ....right?
Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 14:40:09 -0700

now i'm wondering how many times i'll have to attempt contact before you respond. in the rich tradition of the worm, i hereby proclaim that your lack of response to me is my fault. i read your section on being dumped. know i don't think i'll die! (not like i'd ever get dumped or anything...) please,
-po.

-- End --

From: Mr. Worm
To: "Leah"
Subject: Re: no!!!
Date: Mon, 23 Apr 2001 09:36:03 -0500

Sorry, I'm pretty much tone deaf with regard to poetry. Someday I will
understand and appreciate poems, but currently I don't know good from bad.
For what it's worth though, your poem seems pretty good to me.

> needless to say (i think), they were infuriated. i was ostracized, as per
> usual. damn. well, i am too confused now to know how to react to
> you...desirous.

How about just talk to me about interesting stuff and answer my questions?

> what- are you SLEEPING right now?

I do that sometimes.

> this is po. i think i have some things you might accept for the survival
> guide...i have a few suggestions for good music, films, fine arts, etc.
> please respond. i also have some literature (if i may be pretentious and
> assume that title automatically).

What is "po"? Please submit your suggestions. Be sure to include reviews
for them all.

> automatons.

I'm afraid I'm going to need more details before I can offer an opinion. Can
you be more specific?

> now i'm wondering how many times i'll have to attempt contact before you
> respond.

The answer is 4 apparently, however you never answered some of my
questions. Tell me some about yourself. Where are you from? Do you have
a website? Can you fix cars? Do you have a huge dynastic estate?

In addition, what do you look like? Are you in school? What kind of clothes
do you wear? Why are you so sure that I'm Mr. Wonderful?

worm.

-- End --

Fight Club? Somehow I don't think so.

2009-06-05T15:20:00.002-05:00

From: Mr. Worm
To: saucier
Subject: wormbook
Date: Thu, 1 Feb 2001 21:45:37 -0600

Hello. I noticed that you were linking to my book. I'm flattered but I was wondering how you found my book? I was also wondering if you could tell me a little more about the goal of your site. A lot of your links seemed to be to people that hate school, or don't fit in somehow, but nothing in your mission statement seems to indicate that you are focusing on the "young and angry".

worm.

-- End --

From: "Saucier"
To: "Mr. Worm"
Subject: Re: wormbook
Date: Fri, 2 Feb 2001 23:01:40 -0600

The deal is, the group is like a watered-down fight club. but the sight is supposed to keep that fact hidden well enough from the more closed-minded readers *adults, faculty* I have even had some of our worst admins go to my site, and they praised it, little do they know...

anyways, I found your writings cunning, and smart, exactly what we need! join if you want, we need people everywhere!! =) now that I'm done plugging. I'll let you go, get back to me.

Saucier

-- End --

From: Mr. Worm
To: "Saucier"
Subject: Re: wormbook
Date: Sun, 4 Feb 2001 13:35:04 -0600

Sounds exciting. What does "joining" entail? What, if I may ask, does your group do? Also, I am still curious how you found my book.

worm.

p.s. Thank you very much for the nice compliments.

-- End --

From: "Saucier"
To: "Mr. Worm"
Subject: Re: wormbook
Date: Mon, 5 Feb 2001 16:24:13 -0600

ok, well your level of participation depends on you, of course. Joining just means your aware this is a problem, and you wanna help, nothing more.

also, I have no idea how I found your book, problem a lycos search on schools or education.

as for what we do, right now, write up plans, I'm currently processing a student bill of rights thourgh research. and we do grassroots, get our name out, and get members.

Saucier
-- End --

Leah

2009-06-02T23:45:00.001-05:00

From: Mr. Worm
To: "Leah"
Subject: Re: why? haven't you asked yourself that many times?!
Date: Sat, 21 Apr 2001 10:42:55 -0500

> Dear Incredibly Similar to me Sir:
> Worm. I spent all last night in the rain with my ATM card carefully
> scooping up drowning worms and delivering them to the safety of a barrel of
> flowers beneath and overhang. I have never been so desirous of meeting
someone
> in my life; which, truly, is a lot to say since this is all computerized. Please
> give me a chance.

You sound pretty cool, but you have lousy timing. I've had a girlfriend for
about 2.5 months after being lonely for about 2.5 years. You've got me really
curious though. Tell me some about yourself. Where are you from? Do you
have a website? What do you do with your time?

> Your little explanation of your ideal existence could be nearly met if
> you would take the time to meet me...oooohh. Shit. I just read the above;
> pathetique (though I know that is not a French cognate for pathetic...it
> only looks better).

Can you fix cars? Do you have a huge dynastic estate?

> Wait a moment here- you're most likely being sarcastic on every level of
> every endeavour in your life!!! FUCK, I have no chance. At least type me back.

No, it was pretty much 100% honest.

> why won't you...nevermind. maybe you didn't get my message yet.
> fine. i'm going to go stroke my defined jawline in thoughtful consideration of
> options and then wickedly grin thinking about how much skinnier i plan to
> become. (could the above possibly have been cornier???)

Patience grasshopper!

worm.

-- End --

From: "Leah"
To:
Subject: no!!!
Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 00:43:44 -0700

my real name is leah...i can't believe it! you've got a girl?! right, this couldn't have worse timing...i thought i was in love with you (take that any way you'd like to)! well, i just got my heart wrenched out like i knew would happen today...not only do you have someone, but i prob'ly shouldn't bug you...but i want to so...oddly?

jesus, worm (funny, no?); with my "freetime"? is that the term? anyhow, i write things. i have page after ridiculous page of perhaps severly insane think-ege that i wish you should read (heh)...if i had some where i'm at right now i'd transcribe it so that maybe i could woo you and steal you
away...well, i remember this one time that i got extremely wasted at a christmas
party my whole family was at...i wrote this shitty little poem and read it with overly proud gesticulations...

if all the beauty of past and dream
were sewn into each careful seam
should e'er come love 'cross seas by boat
i've chastity held in fine velvet coat
t'was folded to tasteful angels commands
'til need recalls this work of mine hands
"lest," it be whispered in softest of way
"time it should boast skill early as may
the cloak of the virgin shall stay tucked away...
but if comes to ye a man of life pure
and this may to next daunts not this fine sir
and to ye he proves his love to be true
and in god's blessing he wish wed you-
sweet maid, test him for to know him as right
with buttocks as that you deserve it all night."
and what i heard next my suspiciouns confirmed
lord commits his own sins, so in justice be burned
for what good is a god who denies to this day
the truth of his own religious forplay?
the hypocrite lustgod's child in soft christmas hay
the product of lord god's first jewish lay.

needless to say (i think), they were infuriated. i was ostracized, as per usual. damn. well, i am too confused now to know how to react to you...desirous.
-leah

-- End --

Enter: The Incomparable Leah

2009-05-29T00:16:00.003-05:00

From: "Leah"
To: worm
Subject: i think i can help
Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2001 15:38:52 -0700

Dear Incredibly Similar to me Sir:
Worm. I spent all last night in the rain with my ATM card carefully
scooping up drowning worms and delivering them to the safety of a barrel of
flowers beneath and overhang. I have never been so desirous of meeting
someone in my life; which, truly, is a lot to say since this is all
computerized. Please give me a chance.
Your little explanation of your ideal existence could be nearly met if
you would take the time to meet me...oooohh. Shit. I just read the above;
pathetique (though I know that is not a French cognate for pathetic...it
only looks better).
Wait a moment here- you're most likely being sarcastic on every level of
every endeavour in your life!!! FUCK, I have no chance. At least type me
back.
[real name HERE--->] Leah (lee-uh)

-- End --

From: "Leah"
To: worm
Subject: why? haven't you asked yourself that many times?!
Date: Thu, 19 Apr 2001 15:29:20 -0700

why won't you...nevermind. maybe you didn't get my message yet.
fine. i'm going to go stroke my defined jawline in thoughtful consideration
of options and then wickedly grin thinking about how much skinnier i plan to
become.
(could the above possibly have been cornier???)

-- End --

Meg

2009-05-26T16:43:00.001-05:00

From: Meg
To:
Subject: Methods of Suicide
Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2001 16:30:53 -0700

Bleeding:

Sepukku, is somthing that should not be taken likely, as this was originally a very deeply emotional concept, that warriors of ancient Chinese dynasties used. In either traditional sense, the warrior would come home, defeated, which would place his honor at stake. So he then performed Sepukku, a ritual killing, in which to defend his honor, and overseer. Thus this method of death, is a very deeply emotional involvement, that means nothing, less your honor is at stake.

Thank you,
Meg

-- End --

From: Mr. Worm
To: Meg
Subject: Re: Methods of Suicide
Date: Wed, 1 Aug 2001 23:31:08 -0500

Interesting feedback, but I think that suicide in general should not be taken lightly. Did read any of the rest of my book? Did you like any of it? Hate it? I love getting feedback from readers.

worm.

-- End --

From: Meg
To: "Mr. Worm"
Subject: Re: Methods of Suicide
Date: Thu, 2 Aug 2001 00:50:56 -0700

Hey hey,
Yes, I read everything on the site, it's very informative, and edgy. I like your mind, you have a very interesting way of wording, and thinking. I'm an editor for a zine called CRUDE inc, I would like to interview you sometime via e-mail, if possible. If you would like that,.. I know it would do us a great deal, and it would give you more publicity to the underground scene. I loved your site, keep it up, sweety. You have a good thing going for you.

Yours truly,
Meg

-- End --

From: Mr. Worm
To: Meg
Subject: Re: Methods of Suicide
Date: Thu, 2 Aug 2001 09:40:27 -0500

Oooh! How exciting! Yes, I would find that very flattering. Interviews are the only part of fame that I've ever wanted... well, that and heightened sex appeal I guess.

worm.

-- End --

From: Meg
To: "Mr. Worm"
Subject: Re: Methods of Suicide
Date: Thu, 2 Aug 2001 15:18:43 -0700

Righty, thanks for your help, (this interview thing) In a few days or so, we should have a website up, I'll keep you notified. We have our interview squared away for this month, but next month is open, if your still interested. Again, thank you!!!

Yours truly,
Meg

-- End --

Goddess Jolie

2009-05-26T16:24:00.001-05:00

Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 00:45:13 -0700
From: "Goddess Jolie"
To:
Subject: ouch.

I simply had to tell you that your site is one the worst sites I have ever seen in all my years on the internet.

I would have signed this in a guestbook, but well, I couldn't find one.

Jolie

And now if you'll excuse me...I'm going to do my stuff
http://[website url]

-- End --

From: Mr. Worm
To: "Goddess Jolie"
Subject: Re: ouch.2
Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 09:52:43 -0500

> I simply had to tell you that your site is one the worst sites I have ever seen
> in all my years on the internet.

Well, that's some sort of accomplishment I guess. May I ask which features of my book acquired me this dubious honor? "...and you didn't mention anything that was wrong with it." Also, how did you find it?

> I would have signed this in a guestbook, but well, I couldn't find one.

I tried to avoid the look and feel of a standard website in favor of a more book-like experience. Eventually I would like to code a custom PHP forum section into the bottom of each page.

worm.

> And now if you'll excuse me...I'm going to do my stuff
> http://[website url]

Hmm... What a handy page. I know all sorts of stuff about you now. You seem like a fairly reasonable person.

-- End --