Leah

From: Mr. Worm
To: "Leah"
Subject: Re: why? haven't you asked yourself that many times?!
Date: Sat, 21 Apr 2001 10:42:55 -0500

> Dear Incredibly Similar to me Sir:
> Worm. I spent all last night in the rain with my ATM card carefully
> scooping up drowning worms and delivering them to the safety of a barrel of
> flowers beneath and overhang. I have never been so desirous of meeting
someone
> in my life; which, truly, is a lot to say since this is all computerized. Please
> give me a chance.

You sound pretty cool, but you have lousy timing. I've had a girlfriend for
about 2.5 months after being lonely for about 2.5 years. You've got me really
curious though. Tell me some about yourself. Where are you from? Do you
have a website? What do you do with your time?

> Your little explanation of your ideal existence could be nearly met if
> you would take the time to meet me...oooohh. Shit. I just read the above;
> pathetique (though I know that is not a French cognate for pathetic...it
> only looks better).

Can you fix cars? Do you have a huge dynastic estate?

> Wait a moment here- you're most likely being sarcastic on every level of
> every endeavour in your life!!! FUCK, I have no chance. At least type me back.

No, it was pretty much 100% honest.

> why won't you...nevermind. maybe you didn't get my message yet.
> fine. i'm going to go stroke my defined jawline in thoughtful consideration of
> options and then wickedly grin thinking about how much skinnier i plan to
> become. (could the above possibly have been cornier???)

Patience grasshopper!

worm.


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From: "Leah"
To:
Subject: no!!!
Date: Sun, 22 Apr 2001 00:43:44 -0700

my real name is leah...i can't believe it! you've got a girl?! right, this couldn't have worse timing...i thought i was in love with you (take that any way you'd like to)! well, i just got my heart wrenched out like i knew would happen today...not only do you have someone, but i prob'ly shouldn't bug you...but i want to so...oddly?

jesus, worm (funny, no?); with my "freetime"? is that the term? anyhow, i write things. i have page after ridiculous page of perhaps severly insane think-ege that i wish you should read (heh)...if i had some where i'm at right now i'd transcribe it so that maybe i could woo you and steal you
away...well, i remember this one time that i got extremely wasted at a christmas
party my whole family was at...i wrote this shitty little poem and read it with overly proud gesticulations...

if all the beauty of past and dream
were sewn into each careful seam
should e'er come love 'cross seas by boat
i've chastity held in fine velvet coat
t'was folded to tasteful angels commands
'til need recalls this work of mine hands
"lest," it be whispered in softest of way
"time it should boast skill early as may
the cloak of the virgin shall stay tucked away...
but if comes to ye a man of life pure
and this may to next daunts not this fine sir
and to ye he proves his love to be true
and in god's blessing he wish wed you-
sweet maid, test him for to know him as right
with buttocks as that you deserve it all night."
and what i heard next my suspiciouns confirmed
lord commits his own sins, so in justice be burned
for what good is a god who denies to this day
the truth of his own religious forplay?
the hypocrite lustgod's child in soft christmas hay
the product of lord god's first jewish lay.

needless to say (i think), they were infuriated. i was ostracized, as per usual. damn. well, i am too confused now to know how to react to you...desirous.
-leah

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